Tangerine Pony

Look at this thing I found!

Um, I mean artist. And his art.

Look at these things and an artist I found!

Hey there livejournal...

No, it's me.

Yeah, me. That one girl. I used to post here and...

No, you're thinking of someone else, I don't have blonde hair.

No, I'm not asian.

No, I wasn't at that party. And I don't smoke that, even if I was.

I'm--- you don't remember me at all, do you?

I guess it has been awhile.

Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Ani DiFranco

Killer bees! Getting closer! And I still haven't built my bee-proof bunker!

Rivers Cuomo getting married! Not to me! To some girl from Cambridge?! "Oooh, la di da! I'm from Caaaambridge!"

This thing!

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: Rivers Cuomo solos. That I didn't hear live at CAMBRIDGE.

I woke up today so angry, and so annoyed, and so frustrated...and it's only getting worse. I hate everyone and everything. I don't want to be here. I want to cry. I want to beat my head against things (and have). Why? There are a few basic causes, but nothing massively horrible. I guess all the little things that have been twinging in the back-closet of my soul all week have clumped together and hurled themselves through the door and taken me over. I resent everyone and I hate everything. EVERYTHING. I hate that I didn't get to sleep in today...or ANY DAY THIS WHOLE FUCKING BREAK. I hate that I spent my entire spring break, while my roommates were off in various parts of the world lounging, eating big fatty meals cooked by their moms, relaxing, seeing old friends, and returning to school refreshed, with new perspective and a few extra pounds from all the comfort food. While I spent the entire week at work, outside, in the cold, and the rain, depending on the weather. There were bright spots. I saw a concert Tuesday night, which in any other situation would be awesome. And I saw an improv show wednesday, and I went to a party on friday. But all of those otherwise pleasant things were stuff frantically crammed in around the work schedule. All but one of those days, I also went to work. I haven't even been able to have friends over after work, because ALL OF THEM got to go home, and I didn't. People I work with who go to school with me got to go home and I didn't because I HAD TO WORK FOR THEM TOO. I hate my stupid life. I hate that the only full vacation day I had, the thing I was looking forward to as the bright spot to this week was cancelled, and I didn't get to go to San Diego on my weekend-day off. Because I HAD TO WORK THAT TOO. And then it rained on me. So I had to walk back to my car, from work, after working all day, on my so-called day off, in the rain. I haven't had time to do any of the things I wanted to do, and I'm more stressed and miserable than I was before the break. I've had two days off. TWO. AND I don't get to see my friends' showcase at school because I'm here, working. And I don't get to see any of the money I'm earning, because the plumber I haven't been able to get ahold of will take all of it.

I just want to run away. I want to break things and kick children and pull bluetooth after goofy bluetooth off of random smug jackasses' ears and throw the damn things into the street. I want to go to the beach and sit there for days and let the angry voicemails from everyone I have to deal with as an adult pile up, and then when the box is full, I will throw my phone into the sea without even listening to one of them. Where I hope the phone will sink to the bottom of the sea and be devoured by a shark.

Current Mood: angry

Those who know me know my religious struggles. Born and raised LDS (short for Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...which is the real and official name of the Mormon church) in Salt Lake City, and later, in a very narrow-minded small Utah town, also predominantly LDS, I grew very, very bitter and tired. Later in life I really found a relationship with God, and have found good Christian friends and congregations. However I have battled ever since a serious internal war. It was easy to give up on religion after the hypocrisy and meanness and all around "I just don't feel this at all" teenage years. It was easy to be angry, and in the words of someone in this article, "throw rocks at the Mormon bus". But when I started to find myself, not in an angry us-versus-them way, or in a return wholeheartedly to my family's faith, but trying to balance what God wants, and where I'm supposed to be, which church is right, are many right for the people practice it, etc, etc...I was at a loss. I still am. There's hostility on both sides of the fence I've got one leg over. And I think that's wrong, but I don't have much to go on in terms of talking about it. Which is why this article in Christianity Today means so much to me. If you've ever dealt with a crisis of coming of age or dealt with a lifestyle in or in confrontation or opposition or even just next door to the Mormon faith, feel free to read.

A Peacemaker In Provo

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: The Go Gos

1. What does your Livejournal name mean?
I wanted to be creative, and I was thinking about how I stand out in the world, how I'm a horse of a different color, and how I can reinvent myself so freely and take on other adventures and personas. And then I thought "well, I'm being a California gal right now, so something orange-like is a good color for my horse at this point in my life, and tangerine is a pretty word for an orange." Hence, Tangerinepony.

2. Elaborate on your default photo?
Well, it's Jem. Why? Because Jem is outrageous. Truly truly truly outrageous.

3. Make up a question.
Which would you rather, or ride a bike?

4. What's your current relationship status?
non-existent, but in a zen solitude kinda way. Not a sad way. More wistful and phisophical than anything.

5. What EXACTLY are you wearing right now?
Layers. It's cold.

6. What is your current problem?
I'm facing a life crisis. I have no idea what I want to do with mine or what road to pick.

7. What do you love most?
Chocolate and Tosca's cat purring on my belly while I watch netflix.

8. What makes you most happy?
Art and performing and watching other's pour their hearts out onstage. Metaphorically, not literally, because...ew. Being drunk on a Hollywood rooftop watching palm trees sway at 1 AM.

9. Are you musically inclined?
I listen to it. Does that count?

10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?
I'd go back to my first day of my first college job at Barnes and Noble and ask my crush out immediately.

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
Tosca's cat. Or some sort of majestic mountain cougar.

12. Ever have a near death experience?
Three. Two in swimming pools, one in a car crash.

13. Name an obvious quality you have.
I am passionate and loyal and I love God. Oops, that's three.

14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
Track 14 from DJ Danger Doom album.

15. Who did you cut and paste this from?
wickedstatic

16. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Magic Johnson. His TGI Fridays out by the airport is AWESOME.

17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
But of course. I fight dirty.

18. Have you ever been in a fight?
Several. I always win.

19. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yes, and I bungled it royally. Ah, beauty pageant memories.

20. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Hair, build, eyes, clothing

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
NOTHING.

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Only every damn day of my life. only occasionally not winona ryder.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Adult Swim...when I'm mooching viewage at a friend's house. And I love my Disney movies.

26. Did you have braces?
I did in middle school, and I have invisalign now. (Go figure.)

27. Are you comfortable with your height?
Most of the time, until I realize all the cute boys are shorter than me. Boo.


28. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
I wouldn't know.

29. Do you speak any other languages?
espanol. un poquito.

30. Do you have a crush on someone on your livejournal?
nope. Unless you count myself.

Current Mood: contemplative

You know what I love? When they used to do those Bear City bits on Saturday Night Live. Catchy little song and lots of bears. That's what I'm talkinabouts.

Current Mood: cold